1's opinion on 0

tight! the end

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 03:01:09 GMT

---taught---

A light headed triangle shapely repeating on the floor
dozed off this morning to the tune of a wired mask
my breath is not conscious, my eyes are smiling foggy
I smell prey in the oven, and remember the assault like yesterday

I can tell you of the days that I
could never do anything but lie
these words are what you make of them
maybe you'll all just take a stand
maybe you'll swell, maybe you'll yell
and tell me the tale that you'll all prevail
and I can just go strait to hell

my blanket secured is not anymore
and the tap tap tapping is breaking down my front door
and the bars on my windows are decaying from centuries
of a lack of knowledge, wisdom and expertise
lacking of a reason, lack of respect, power hungry soullessness
lack of will, lack of ways, colored yang businesses, doubtfully
tied men tied down, hands up
bottom feeders
if you only knew what I know about you
if you only knew you where born a leader (bottom feeder)

I can tell you of the days that I
could never do anything but lie
these words are what you make of them
maybe you'll all just take a stand
maybe you'll swell, maybe you'll yell
and tell me the tale of how you prevailed
and I can just go strait to hell

This journal is now DEAD, no more entries will be made here. New page coming soon... link will be last post. thnx

i need IC

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 22:07:55 GMT

cute JESCA HOOP

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 20:12:38 GMT

Just found this have not looked into yet, any one have any info?

Private Null

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 22:24:47 GMT

PRIVATE PARTS CONTAIN VULGAR FLUIDS THAT IF LEFT TABBOO COULD EXLODE ON CULTURAL IMPACT
I can't help but feel a pull toward things left behind.
Nagging, urging and pointing a finger in a general direction of medicine.
A healing that, this time, requires much more of a strategic effort in the applied philosophy department.
Not only for me, but for those around me.
"Self Help" sounds like inner-office Human Relations jargon at first, but this statement, along with "Self Improvement" or "Self Esteem" seem to get jaded by pubic distribution and nobody things of this as applied philosophy.
I RIP THE HEAD OFF THE SYSTEM AND BEGIN THE EDUCATION BY SHOVING IT UP THE ASS... whose ass?
So to split the atom in twine or to break the yin from the yang, one must attribute that a lot (most) of our identity is made up of certain choices we make, certain experiences we've had, and certain instances of victimization (ie:choice has been taken away). But it is true in a sense that, if a man deceives or forces a choice onto another, he in turn has made a choice for his victim and himself, and now when karma kicks in, or to a lesser extent, human justice, the repercussions for victimizing someone becomes three fold; detriment to the singular (self), detriment to the duality (the victim), detriment to human influence.
Negative breed Negative birth Negative breed Positive (sometimes).

Now I must log some people, place and things: I'm enjoying my new job @ minacs, enjoying the corperateness of the job, assimilation almost complete.
Getting a place downtown, I hope... will find out more today. Crystal is my roommate, for the winter, and then I hope to achieve my singular person abode.
Me and Mo are enjoying some comfort ala VHS and BED. Though our relationship does have some arguments here and there, we both accept that life has a lot of trivial issues that keep festering, we laugh, and dance and gawfaw the nights away, in each others arms, early morning parting, sighs of innocence and joy. My fuel, my lover, my friend.
Kev is expecting me soon to get my butt in gear with the project, I'm expecting to dive right in after I get set-up in the new homestead. (oh yea and after I get my computer)
A lot of friends on my mind lately, wavering in and out of priority, I mustn’t vampire, I do apologize for my lack of love, but really, I just can't understand that you can't understand that I can't bring myself to care THAT much about it... RIGHT NOW"
You are still "Friend", and if you knew what "Friend" stands for, you can still smile over the millions of moments lost to worry and deconstructive behavior.
BUILD ME UP BUTTERCUP

KITTYKITTYKITTYKITTYKITTYKITTY

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 01:18:30 GMT

yay, she's my house warming present, no name yet, rescued from the street

YAY KITTY

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 00:01:25 GMT

from the urban dictionary
1. dish pig

staff in a restaurant or cafe who do all the washing up. they're generally not allowed to wait on tables and have a perpetually miserable expression on their faces, as well as very, very red faces.

Can you call the waiter over? No, not him, he's just a dish pig.

yea, I uh, got a job...
;)

+

=

The Trees Are Screaming "Sodomy"

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 11:02:31 GMT

me thinks [?]_[?]
lots of luv

A Cautionary Verse
My child, do not exaggerate,
Lest you incur a horrid fate—
As ancient oracles relate,
And modern texts corroborate.
For if you ever fabricate,
Dissimulate, prevaricate,
Or even minor facts inflate,
The fist of doom will crush you straight.
Suppose you choose to overstate
How long a spell you had to wait
Until a cab, two minutes late,
Responded to your calls irate.
Before this whopper can abate
Your heart will start to palpitate,
Your vital juices desiccate,
Your kidneys cease to operate.
Not only that: at lightning rate
Your mental functions, small and great,
Will shrivel and deteriorate
To pablum in your puny pate.
Thereafter, sentiments of hate
Will justly start to agitate
Your sturdy colleagues, man and mate,
And prompt them to vituperate,
Till through the world, a weary weight
Upon the modern welfare state,
You reel, you slump, you sob, you prate,
And choose your life to terminate.
But let me not too long dilate
Upon the horrors that await
A person who, disdaining fate,
Should ever once exaggerate.
thankees to mo I finaly know about the great canadian poet Denis Lee

Does anyone know what the Revolting Cocks album: "Cocked And Loaded" is like?

Danger Mouse = pure avant-hop bliss
http://waxy.org/archive/2004/11/18/the_grey.shtml

interested : need torrent
[Downside Up is a four-disc box set collecting B-sides and bonus material from the catalog of Siouxsie & the Banshees. Also included (on disc four) is The Thorn EP, originally released in 1984.]

tunes to check into
Junior Boys
M83
Propellerheads
Hexstatic
Morphine

Dokyoumentarys &&& Moovees

"It is nowhere written that the American empire goes on forever."
Why We Fight (Deception/War/Governement)
"Stupidity reveals that, despite our culture's extensive access to knowledge and information, humans continue to choose stupidity."
Stupidity
The Corperation (Deconstructing "they")
related link - TheyRule.net
Thomas Jefferson - "When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.")
V for Vendetta (Action/Dramatic)
"It might be true that there are six billion people in this world, and counting, but nevertheless -what you do makes a difference. It makes a difference, first of all, in material terms, to other people, and it sets an example. In short, I think the message here is that we shouuld never write ourselves off or see eachother as a victim of various forces. It's always our descision who we are."
Waking Life (Sureal/Dialog)
Scientist: "You know, Fred, if you keep your sense of humor like you do, you just might make it."
Fred: "Make it? Make what? The team? The chick? Make good? Make do? Make out? Make sense? Make money? Make time? Define your terms. The Latin for 'make' is facere, which always reminds me of fuckere, which is Latin for 'to fuck', and I have been getting jack shit in that department as of late."
A Scanner Darkly (Philip K Dick book adaptation)

It's just a ride and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money, a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.

Elementals are we

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 13:11:00 GMT

Elementals of Air, Earth, Fire and Water
In mysticism, magick, mythology and alchemy, an elemental is a creature (usually a spirit) that is attuned with, or composed of, one of the classical elements: air, earth, fire and water. The elements balance each other out through opposites: water quenches fire, fire boils water, earth contains air, air erodes earth. The concept of elementals seems to have been conceived by Paracelsus in the 16th century. Paracelsus' elementals were:
Element----Elemental-------Source
Air--------Sylph-----------invented by Paracelsus
Earth------Gnome-----------traditional creature from Germanic folklore
Fire-------Salamander------invented by Paracelsus
Water------Undine----------water goddesses from Homeric myth
Elementals are commonly mentioned in grimoires dealing with alchemy and sorcery and are usually called by summoning.

I Need New Enemies

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 13:44:07 GMT

Create a perfect limit to strive towards. My ideals are not unreal, or improbable.
In fact; you could say that my way of thinking (educated optimism) is actually the new spawn of our times. Such is this emotionally distracted society of ours that one starts to loose their self to the endless.
Too many choices were given sp that we can realize what more than enough was.
NOW WE KNOW... in destroying our planet, our humanity and ourselves... we can finally see that the anti-pro mentality was inevitable. Self-destruction could be the key... into rebuilding what is essentially inevitable.
A reconstruction, an elaboration, a renaissance, and a revolution...
You wonder why the world is in a critical state.
It's because you cannot seem to take control of your own happiness, let alone the happiness of others. It's because you are lazy and don't realize how easy it is to live in your distraction. (Media, celebrity, social drama, and drugs) you’re distracted from yourself, again and again. If you could only focus on the truth and lies and karma of your actions, your world would lighten.
STOP BEING A VICTIM... stop pretending you’re a good person, or that your karma doesn't affect us… fess up to your uneducated chaos.
Your selfishness causes ripples in our ponds, and your cute new shoes just employed another five children to be forced into slave work.
And yet, you don't think that it's you I'm talking about.
Wal-Mart, Dollar Store, Old Navy Whore, don't I look hot in my exploiting outfit.
Your Apathy is what they want so try a little infonomics.
More mental illnesses every year, more people on pills fearing they are crazy...
Pretend that you don't contribute to this problem,
Pretend that you can't fix yourself.
Pretend that you can't help the world...
They have you convinced that there is a good life, and yet only they get to live it.
You can only find freedom in your mind
Your salvation isn't a Big Mac or the new single on the radio,
It’s not the same old sitcom humor, or the thousands of advertisements, it’s not in the illusions of racism, or in land ownership, or the capitalism of a handful of people
It’s in your head...
It's in my head....
This is the bomb to detonate the global village, making you all victims...
I want to be able to stand for all of us…
We have to take a stand.

When ideas turn to ideals. Or Not.

--------------
My world has been an interesting one this month, many a new experiences, new challenges, and new ideas...
I won't go too far back, but at the beginging of this month I chose that this month, this time in my life was going to be head time, grow time, summer fun time... and so, with no reponsabilities to work, to home, to life... I journeied...
I visited parts of the city I had never seen, found some beautiful sitting spots, met and conversed with many a lad about the feeling in the air of world situation and self situation, read a few disinformation books, and smoked a lot of herbs.
Anticipation was abewin, insite of Ness Creek on it's way.
BEST TIME OF MY LIFE... a vacation from the so called reality that I see in the city.
People, community, nature, love, drugs, food, music, art, open spaces, open minds, comfort, and pure joy.
There was also an incident involving the existance of human beings in the wild, where a yearling cub was shot and killed, due to it being a threat to the festival and the patrons, yet, we were much more of a threat to it and nature, because we carry guns... yea that was this years hypocrocy, as witnessed by NoMe, and hey if nothing else, I got to experience something sad and disturbing as I helped sitecrew in lifting and transproting the beautiful young animal.
Besides tragedy there were many a moment of pure satisfaction, perfection and fullfillment helped out by kev, crystal, chris, sarah, kaine, aliah, and me amore morgan.
Ah yes, the tender summer children came to play and elegent and abstract warmth and belonging.
An urge to change the wind, brought a soul to me in a time of need. My need to share the epressions and impulses, and the pulsing need of 'change'. I am still so bedazzled at the choices and the individuals I have witnessed this summer; beautifly disturbing.
I am one my way now, and will be entering the world of high-class poverty again as I find and maintain anouther underemployement. But it's not a bad thing, in fact it is perfectly due, as I must now reclaim a new glory in replacement of the old glory I stripped off.
I am looking forward to this next month,
more changes,
more extremes
push it further than ever before
love, lust, and learning

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 11:14:40 GMT

+

=
I'm acually missing you......

neet!!

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 07:15:11 GMT

"A thousand years is but an instant.
There's nothing new, nothing different.
The same pattern over and over.
The same clouds,
the same music,
the same insight felt an hour - or an eternity ago.
Now I remember. This happened to me before.
You have begun to find your answers.
Although it will seem difficult,
the difficulty is just illusion and the rewards will be great.
Exercise your human mind as thoroughly as possible,
knowing it is only an exercise.
Build beautiful artifacts, solve problems,
explore the secrets of the physical universe.
Savor the input from all the senses.
Feel the joy and sorrow, the laughter, the empathy, compassion...
and tote the emotional memory in your travel bag.
I remember where I came from and how I became human.
Why I hung around. And now my final departure is scheduled.
This way out. Escaping velocity.
Not just eternity, but infinity."
Ryan Power

“What we call chaos is just patterns we haven't recognized. What we call random is just patterns we cant decipher. What we can't understand we call nonsense. What we can't read we call gibberish. There is no free will. There are no variables. There is only the inevitable.”
Chuck Palahniuk

Forced into this state by myself again... thankfuly.
Glory be my memory and thy destiny before me.
Love to those who feel unloved, and hate for those who understand too well.
My mind is being made up, the guile is sharpening and revolution is underway...
if you wish to say it with me
if you wish to take control
if you need to feel the real
watch where you were
watch where you are
watch where you are going
the pieces fit
so put the fucking puzzle togeather already.

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 01:10:42 GMT

I don't want to be the one to blame
You like fun and games

Think back then
We was like one and the same
On the right track
But I was on the wrong train

Now you've got to face to pain
And the devil's got a fresh new place to play
In your brain like a maze you can never escape the rain
Every damn day is the same shade of grey

I used have a little bit of a plan
Used to have a concept of where I stand
But that concept slipped right out of my hands
Now I don't really even know who I am

Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free
What ever happens to you...? we'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me

Back then, I thought you were just like me
Somebody who could see all the pain I see
But you proved to me unintentionally
That you would self-destruct eventually
Now I'm thinking like the mistake I made doesn't hurt
But it's not gonna work
Cause it's really much worse than I thought
I wished you were something that you were not
And now this guilt is really all that I got

You turned your back
And walked away in shame
All you got is a memory of pain
Nothing makes sense so you stare at the ground
I hear your voice in my head when no one else is around

Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free
What ever happens to you? we'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me

I guess that this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now
believe me
~fort minor

been in an interesting place lately.
cascades of nostalgia pusle against me
avoiding them for the sake of sanity
some I have to play with
to make mine again
take power again
these fantasies are not my own
though, these nightmares have grown

I woke up the other day... I wish I hadn't;
I can acomplish far more in my dreams.
hoping to see daylight soon,
filled with love and hate;
~nome

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 09:16:07 GMT

Alert

normal... activate

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 17:59:44 GMT

Hippies VS Bush 3000

EMOd

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 02:49:08 GMT

SCARY FICTION COME TO LIFE, like depressed hippy-goths.

--tales-from-a-bad-speller--

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 08:09:35 GMT

It's lagging on me.
As I live from one day to anouther I often remember the times when in a moment of hesitation I would hesitate to long and become uncomforted.
That memory has surfaced lately bringing on a new sort of pain.
I used to be very depressed, lazy, self, etc. A lot of my old beliefs were skewed by this hang up on the so called universal "ballance" one keeps as to be on a path of enlightenment (or so I thought). Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure some would still see me as such through a version of me they have been displayed to previous, yet I hold true in these evolve systems of thought, finally a question and an answer, not just a look of confusion upon a face. I'm half way there, and the next half won't be nearly as unnotticed.
I've left a lot behind me as I move forward.
A lot will resent me for it, but it is up to them to decide what they will do with me.
I try not to have expectations of others, yet the people in life that I truely have something in commen with, those I have grown to know well. I wish the same joy, love and life for their soul as I do for mine, and I will torment myself with their lies and their corruption...
for if I don't I won't know what is truely right, and what I truely hate.
It's like all those things the bible has been saying...
like all the prophets and poets,
all the motivational speakers,
all the charities, all the progress and enduring nature of humanity...
all that GOOD stuff that has been forced in your face since birth, right under my noes, on the tree, right next to evil...
was the key to it all
the wings, the sword, and the word.

So as I cast off the brief stress of all of the saddness, frusteration, and drama, of all the people around me who radiate it...
I SAY...
just go be happy, do what it is that worked, you know in your heart what is truely RIGHT, screw up a few times, but learn soon, or you'll be trapped, like whos-his-face and thatchik... you know who I'm talking about...

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 06:02:08 GMT

I DESPISE THESE chewy yogurt bars

free'd

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 06:00:58 GMT

*scratch scratch*
*xit xit*
*ponder ponder*

Piece by piece, I see the lines fade away, the parts begin to blur and blend.
Two seemingly unrelated pictures/ideas/pieces which side by side form one picture, one idea.
As you see the new picture form you see a vast picture flow throughout you,
burried forever but always right on the surface, ready to be dug up.
Contemplating the weave right now. Not unsure of now, just not quite living thee ideal.
The sureal has been trying to interpret me.
But each and every moment seems so sureal.
Nostalgia seems like yesturday,
I'm starting back into where I left off...
remembering how it was done,
not about to slip into such a completion yet,
I'm enjoying the disconnection.
Settling into a face might soon be at hand.
haste for certain critics who point out the faults.
Missing the world of touch, the idea of romace, the space between embracing eyes...
~Nome

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 06:16:56 GMT

Creation may breathe life:
choose to loose your mind, I've lost all I need to loose... except life
choose to degrade, me so rotten already
check that little false box
a - mass motion - of - media mind matrix -
- comunicatrix -
spread your content as you spread your... legs
Mish Mash thE MoLdablE LifE into your idEas to MakE thEm aLive
enjoythecompanyofyourideasasyounurturethem
watch them evolve
wish them to grow
feel them to form them
center yourself in ideas
make idea
live idea
remember your idea
be idea
define this path
this life
this spirit
this thought
loosly
and
then

c
e
n
t
e
r

Tue, 30 May 2006 18:53:04 GMT

Last time on the Twisting Tall Tales Hour; we left our hero, the wee gnome, tied to a chair, ready do to be sucked into the darkened digital doom. I have been sitting here blankly for the last 18 hears, we wispers of inspiration floating in the air, some of which 'I think' are my own.
Dazy, dizy dream spells which make me tingle and loose focus, and drift into sparatic creative impulse, two ideas linking into one new idea birthed out of these souls.
I am with drawn froma few of my friends at the moment, routine has taken over a huge portion of my stability for the instance. As I look forward to a well deserved rest in about 4 months time, I am currently undertaking a project, not just any project, but thee ultimate projecto-mundo spectacular, it will eat up a lot of my play time, but the pros far outway the cons.
I've been working at the subway on broadway which has been pretty good thus far except for the drunken crowd fridays.
I hope to see those I havn't seen yet soon. <--- it means what it means.
Hope to see/meet you soon.

Sun, 21 May 2006 08:50:06 GMT

As I march, I march along.

These feet will take me places, these hands will disesemble these walls, these minds will battle for grounds in mine, and I am moving along.
Not waiting, but working.
Not static... kinetic.
Human error choosing human being.

Now.

Living, finally living again.
The fetal stages of humanity were destroyed by our knowledge.
We didn't have the capacity yet.
We didn't know we had to evolve to fit this new format.
For centuries we never had the tiniest inkling that maybe,
the knowledge we had possesed as we advanced 'socially' and technologicly,
was not truely ours yet,
we took for granted that we could simply own this knowledge.
Had we the capacity at the moment of conception,
we might have realized it takes more than thinking that
'we own an ideal to make it an ideal.' [what about the effort and the doing?]
Yet this conceptual art that we call reality needs maintainince,
it desires structure, it demands to be real.
As real as innocence and purity.
As real as God's diving plan and free will.
As real as The Bush Administration and The Simpson Family.
As real as any Urban Myth or Scientific Universal Law.
As real as any possible notion these minds could have.
I think, therfor I revolve...
ergo I can choose.
Constantly moving forward I cycle around, and the next time I come around I will be wary of the aproche, and more importantantly; where I will end up after that part of the cycle.
The cycle talks of a final purity.
It talks about realizing a final evolved form in this process; a rich time bomb of nuetrality.
In video game terms - After beating the final boss and winning the game, you get to start a new game with all the previous power ups from your last game.

We have harvested one tree, do we want to harvest anouther... maybe 'life' this time?

So as me, I ask you all, if you have the capcity yet to revolve.
Are you with the effort? Are you with spirit and sanctity?
Do you know the difference yet and do you understand that it is you?

This is yours.

These are your words now, not mine.
They are yours to read, yours to reasearch and to inspire.

We were innocent and arrogant
We learned of the duality and separated it.
We tred down both paths, one more than the other to discover that we were lacking,
we forgot the old ways,
we will live again,
we will rise again.

This is Ours

Sat, 20 May 2006 02:02:00 GMT

In this envelope there is a letter. This letter was sent because of you. This is your letter. Addressed to YOU. The contents of this envelope are to encompass all who read it, and all who read it are encouraged to spread the contents of the ideals disclosed. Be prepared to receive a few paper cuts when you attempt the task of revealing the message. Glue holds the message safely inside. It's there for a purpose. Don't get hung up on just the glue.
Most importantly the message inside is what you've been waiting for all these years. No, your not our next possible millionaire, but you have won something. I could have guessed the reactions you might have had when I spake these proverbial memories which weren’t mine, but yours. Yet, I couldn't tell you to your face; I knew the cause would have little effect.
This is why each and every one of you has an envelope in your hands.
YOU WON'T ALLOW YOURSELF TO BELIEVE ME...
but you might believe yourself.
So start listening, there is something beating inside, and the rhythm pulses in tune to your existence and mine. After the wave has reflected back into the world, remember that you hold that envelope. Find your way inside it.
Reveal what it is you have written to yourself...
Research these words, know their value.
And determine if
It’s an epic story of immortal human spirit which always endures
or just another antagonist to be victimized and forgotten?

woooo

Tue, 09 May 2006 07:53:38 GMT

It be that time again, anouther 2:00am May 9th anouther ageless plastic piece of lawn orniment... happy b day to me ::
(more later today)

Nome's BDay Party: The Unsausaging

Tue, 09 May 2006 06:33:17 GMT

"Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility."
~Freud

"Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to, when all they need is one reason why they can. "
~Martha Graham

"We are not always what we seem, and hardly ever what we dream."
~Schmendrick the Magician

"As a well spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death."
~Leonardo da Vinci

I didn't travel the physical very far, but I sure fell down the rabbit hole. Has it already been another long year?
I acknowledge to the ages that, yes, the years are still speeding up, and time is starting to become irrelevant.
Cramming so much time and space into a wee little moment called May 9th, 2006.
A year ago I would have argued that I was a stable person, with stable ideas and a stable life...
No wait, fiction.
In all those previous processes I at least found it was the chaos and emotional environment which became a war zone in my head and a constant bother to this state of being...
I wouldn't slow down for the longest time; I kept speeding through hoping to get out the other side before my past caught up with me.
I finally slowed down about 3 months ago when I came to terms with almost everyone around me, and accepted the places I might go and the places they might go as well.
Judgment faded becoming a self critique.
Probability became a huge factor in determining who I was and where I was going, even still, it is all so open to possibility and circumstance.
Since I was about 6 years old I could always in-vision an apocalypse in my life, which is extremely unusual since I had no knowledge of the Jesus Christ or even god at that age. . no biblical stories. . but screwed are these perceptions of destruction and judgment, to have this knowledge that I was going to witness something dramatic, I instinctually have always just seemed to be preparing myself for whatever may come, and in researching these events and leaving out most everything, except the feeling, I began to see a tune being played, a perfect melody of sorts, not perfect for everyone, but it was perfect pitch, my path which lay before me even though I have always tred down it, and through these frequencies I pulse off this entity and form a monolith element from the core of humanity.
oops... sounding too godly, must step off the cloud.
I have had a much better understanding of friendship and family this year, and these people which I share my life, my soul and my ass with everyday. I became spiritual, realizing that I can draw upon the energies of this realm and so many more to triumph over the moments which plagued me.
"I will not perish..." says the rat, "so easily."
The bull responds, "Martyr is it then that you should die for a just or true cause."
And in the arms of this heavenly lady I fell asleep, dreaming of a casting reflection ever upon the face of the ocean, encompassing the world.

*intermission*
*party time*

Has anyone ever felt that layer of filth that feels like it's covering your whole body and even seeping into your mind?
You know, that build up of ick that just doesn't seem to wash off even if you use boiling bleach and steel wool?

Cougar Attack Victim
Last night at my Birthday party gave me a new kind of ick, a sort of pleasant ick, as attention and pleasure oozed out of every pour. I know that sounds extremely sexual, and in a sense it should, yet I wince at the knowledge I have gained about certain age brackets of desperatisms (I made it up) which plague humanity... well at least my humanity. As my ego started to rise in one moment, then I realized the situation, and parts of me shrank in fear, my ego at least didn't bruise, for I maintained as much sober conscience as possible and accepted a birthday kiss and ran for the door. As much as I like to play with the kitties, I realize that some of the kitties have huge claws, and that they like fresh meat... and that makes Nome very scared 0_0 . I ran back to a fire in shame and wonder. Locking lips with a mysterious lady whose secrets are of soon to be divine. A moment will be a tantilizing fasination and study of body and mind, which might take weeks... months, depending on the curiousity and will of the student. I am enjoying the possibilities. Possibilities were a theme through the night, for as we all sat around in the Wild Turkey Saloon the night slowly (within about 2 hours) melted into a wonderful drunken high. And it riled up sarcasm, a goofiness, uninhibited. "Sake sake, five dolla", and multiple mashing mouths manifest malicious me.

Not quite.
The rain outside put only a slight damper on the night, and in the end it clear up and got nice enough to have a late fire... and then karaoke, yes the apes try to call out to god, but at least we tried, and it was a helluva lot o fun. I'm sure "Closer" will never be the same again for some, and others will want to see me in a Prince outfit. So as I vomit, and vomit did I, flashes of Taurus burn in my brain, and my indulgences become relevant, purged and swirling down the bathroom sink. I once again appreciate the moment, smile... and puke a bit more. RJ in goggles looks creepily good. Kaine came out to play, but he didn't sing :( Two Crystals, Two Shellys, Two Sarahs. Northern dyke burning meat. A creative spurt given by Crystal will be put to very good use. Chris and Shelly decided to join the night. Sarah made sure I was staying in a happy floating place. And cute lil Sarah showed me a taste of her eager sweet side. Kev and Devin found a huge piece of storage device to accent my already amazing "Pod racer" tower. I will put it to use and pack it with nomish goodness soon enough. As for the cougar.. nothing left to be said 'cept, I guess I am flattered.. but it still.. ick.. *choke*
It was a fucking inspiring day, and an inspiring fucking day.
This world keeps getting smaller and smaller, but more and more important every second.
Thank you all for making the annual celebration of me such a blast.
I am grateful that I could share this day with good people, full of life(mostly), full of love(even freaky love) and full of booze:)

1/4 through, 1/3 beginning, ready to head down it.

The pulses clustered and finally manifested.

Circles of ascension.

Ouch my head!

*curses self for meeting the wild, not-so-nice Dr. Turkey*

Fri, 05 May 2006 11:26:14 GMT

if the past is all you follow

and your identity is based on your experience

and you keep screwing up and find it hard to stay happy

then you must be doing something wrong

and you have three options:

A) Keep living this life, though it really isn't yours, for you arn't in control of it too much if you can't even keep yourself happy.

B) Die, for you must be so far gone by now that they totally control your life.

C) Or snap out of this funk you've been in, realize your living in a brainwashed world, and that the life your living is still too influenced by the media flash and consumer glamour.
You must respect your fellow man, find a line between selfless and selfish.
Enrich others lives just by enriching your own.
Stop destroying senslesly.
Stop your will to cause others harm, even if it wasn't your intent it was still your action.
YOU CAUSE THE RIPPLE.
If you realized the bigger picture, if you realized karma...
If you just lived your life by the standards and principles that thousands of years of philosophy, religion and history have been trying to tell us... Screaming at us to smarten the fuck up.

And maybe we could find what each person strives to behold... an ideal.

So I guess you have a choice...

don't expect to find yourself, you already are the amazing person you want to be....
JUST realize it.